Basil Sunshine

Yesterday was the first Father's Day in forever for which I did not have to awkwardly prepare by searching through racks of greeting cards for one that didn't say anything too meaningful or grossly untrue ("I love you," "You're a great Dad," etc.). I never really examined that ritual very closely. Why bother with such a meaningless act or, further, such a meaningless relationship?

I'm surprisingly OK with the fact that I'm no longer speaking to my parents. The worst of it, the couple weeks after I graduated with no mention of it by them, has passed. I did my grieving then. (And that's when I also registered a domain name having to do with Adult Adoption. Not sure what to do with it yet but hopefully something cool.) I do feel sorry for my kid because I had two grandparents who were so loving and kind to me-- and my kid never had that. But then again, I had a couple wonderful grandparents but not even one parent with a  head screwed on right. I guess it's a trade-off.

Overall, separating from my parents has probably been the best decision I have ever made. I feel like I've lost 200 pounds of anxiety and indecision.

I dreamed I was grocery shopping with my mother. The significant thing was that she kept complimenting me, which would be highly unusual behavior for her. Then I was talking with a couple in the freezer aisle. The husband didn't look at me straight on, as he was bent over the center freezer section examining frozen food. I noticed it was odd that he wore the same white hat that his wife wore-- kind of a wide-brimmed ladies' sun hat or Sunday dress hat. Then an old lady across the aisle yelled hello to them, then she added something to the effect of "By the way, you're a boy." And I looked at the couple face on and saw the guy was wearing makeup and the same dress as his wife. He was frowning now, and said to his wife, "Do you like it?" and she said "Of course I do," and gave him a kiss.

REAL LIFE:
This dream made me think about how my mother was always so critical of me and never had anything nice to say to me ever. I think she is actually incapable of complimenting me, thus the silence when I graduated. If it weren't for my paternal Grandma, my maternal Grandpa, and all of the wonderful teachers I had, I wouldn't have received any positive feedback at all growing up. I am very thankful that I had those people in my life.

INTERPRETATION (via DreamMoods.com):
To shop for groceries in your dream, represents some emotional of physical need that you are currently lacking in your life. You may be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment.

To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection. [Not in my case.] Some people may have problems freeing themselves from their mothers and are thus seeking their own individuality and development.

To dream that you are being complimented, refers to your desire for romance and love.

To see a couple in your dream, symbolize marriage, your parents, or a relationship. Consider what the couple are doing in your dream for additional clues about their significance. It may point to something that is lacking or missing from your life.

To dream that you or someone is cross-dressing, indicates that you need to express and acknowledge your masculine side if you are female or your feminine side if you are male.

[Overall I think this dream is about letting go of anger and cultivating mildness as a Buddhist text has recently reminded me. Instead of being angry I should wish my parents and sister will find healing for their disturbed mind states. I also of course do wish I had a typical mother and crave acceptance and love, like anyone else. But it is best to focus on being accepting and loving myself.]